Syafira

Maybe it's true , 

Sometimes good things fall apart
so that better things can fall together .

Last week before November began , it was tremendously hard for me to accept this life I'm having . Well , now I am more that grateful to be in this world .

I met HIM , who brought back smile upon my face . The one that spend my wasted time alone , the one that wished me sweet dreams every night .
I'm happy .

Then , there's Uncle Peter felt from heaven and gave me the opportunity to shine . I know I'm gonna succeed in this designing project and this is the moment to prove my folks , I can do more that what they expected .

I'm sick , I'm tired . That's it .
Give me some space , I need to breath .
It's better if I'm neglected  than tortured inside .
 
Dear God ,
Give me strength
Throughout this path of life .

I used to cry a lot .
Now , I just be lost in thought .
I'm sick of people talking shit ,
when they know nothing bout me .
It's ANNOYING .

I met with many kinds of human being .
The ungrateful one ,
The faithful one ,
and ,
The two face bastard .

Still ,
I cannot find the one I can call CLOSEST TO LOVE .

10th October 09
12:17
I starved the whole day (yesterday) and I'm doing it again today . My mom is not worried at all cause she really fucking want me to be skinny .
Last night , I discovered my tears are running out like I meant to just be lost in thought .
Today , I found out my best friend were stalking on me , WTH right ? :/

19:01
I've been locking myself in my room since yesterday , starring at the ceiling and listening to sad songs . It is so bloody pathetic . Mum finally asked 'why?' after she had her lunch and I said 'nothing' . I don't really have a reason . It's just me .

11th October 09
14:23
3rd day of starvation , I'm still in my room . I woke up around 07:46 , went to the kitchen and ate a pinch of cake and 3 cookies . Enough to give me strength to move .
Now , Mum bought me ice-cream and she actually ask my sister to spy on me to see if I'm actually eating or not .
Well , the ice-cream sucks . I threw up .

17:52
I finally decided to eat something . I went to the kitchen and she cooked fried noodles . No choice . I ate but not until I'm full .Then , I went in my room , took off my shirts and went in the bathroom . I threw up almost every single bit of the noodles . Now that is SATISFACTION .

12th October 09
05:55
I woke up and decided to go for a early run . So , I did and It was really dark that time .Only few cars passed by the road . My thighs feels like burning when I run . I was in so much pain , but I force myself to run .

06:40
I stopped running and went to the basketball court nearby and sat on a bench . I witnessed baby crow learned how to fly . It was such a beautiful moment for an ugly creature . I'm scared of crows , but for once I just don't care about a troops of crow flying on top of my head .

07:21
I run back home , enter the kitchen , grab a bottle of water and went straight to my room . I took a shower and as always , lay on my bed , writes and sleeps .

21st October 09
I lost 3kg .

I live my life with imaginations . Something that no one else can see but me .

Once , I imagined sitting at the beach .
The air breeze was soothing ,
the sound of the waves was so calming ,
the ocean was beautiful .
All of a sudden ,
tears drop on my cheeks .
I realized I was alone while others have a hand to hold .
The cloud turns cloudy ,
I heard storm coming .
I'm afraid to make a move
just sitting there wrapping my arms around my body .
I see people running .
I see people screaming .
But I did not move a bit .
I was hoping the water will drown me ,
or the thunder strikes me .
Right then , I saw a hand beside me .
There he was with his gorgeous smile ,
standing still beside me .
He took my hand ,
and my shoulders in his arm .
That moment , my feelings change .
I feel secured , loved and appreciated .
To me ,
That's HEAVEN (:

 I wish .

Fasting month is over , Eid is getting duller and oh well SPM , it's 48 days ahead . The worse thing is , my future is depending on the results . Life sucks . Totally .

Social life is cracking little by little when distance is built between a bonding which was once so strong . Each minute we are torn apart . I'm not even sure why . Is it me ? or them ? or other parties ? I thought I'm starting a new friendship , but I guess not . It's just not worth it .

Well as conclusion , we can all see I'm having a miserable life right now which is not fun but fucked up . Thanks to some people .

Not more than two months , I'll be free from all these people . I don't have to iron my ugly school uniforms , no more waking up at 6am , walking through the hot sun after school or even see the hideous building . Yes , I know I will go through a harder life later on . Don't have to remind me about that . Right now , I just want to graduate high school and live my life to the fullest doing things I like and I'm going to make sure that nobody is able to stop me .